i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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