i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize