i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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