mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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