Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize