That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize