So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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