I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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