a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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