There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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