Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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