I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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