Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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