the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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