He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize