Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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