I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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