my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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