Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize