just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize