Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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