he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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