i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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