Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize