you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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