so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize