Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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