I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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