So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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