and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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