Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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