Do you still have your period?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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