Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My vagina is officially offended.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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