I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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