Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize