Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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