Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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