Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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