I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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