i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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