Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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