It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to calm my uterus...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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