I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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