No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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