I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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