I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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