You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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