He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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