It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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