You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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