I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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