They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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