I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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